For A Pessimest I'm Pretty Optimisic
by elle127
Summary: Once again back in the world of the living Risa and her squad must balance their new lifestyle along with the challenges thrown at them by a computer virius, XANA, designed by the French Military who is bend on World Domination.
1. Because Stuff Happens

Chapter One

In one of many Gotei-13 offices two girls both around the same age were fiddling with a video camera and a tripod. The one girl, the brunette was wearing a standard shihakusho and was fiddling with the buttons on the video camera, while her partner the blonde mounted the tripod; her haori was tossed haphazardly over the chair. The back revealed the kanji symbol for nine.

Arisa Uchimani and Jennifer Bletchley had finally gotten the camera set up the way they wanted it and now, as Jen hit play she slid over to the desk which Risa was already sitting on.

"Hello loyal viewers," Risa said into the camera causally flicking her blond hair off her shoulder. She was wearing a black tank top over her hakama. "Risa and Jen here of the G-13's ninth and sixth divisions respectively"

"That's right," Jen cut in as if they had rehearsed this little skit several times. She held a scroll in front of the camera even though the font size combined with the distance made it impossible to read. "This here is yet another mission statement from Head Captain Shinakukugariwari Yabba Dabba Do Yamamoto for the captain of the ninth division Arisa Uchimani."

"In other words," Risa stated. "It's an eviction notice. Why am I calling it this? Well my loyal viewers around this time last year I was thrown out of my office and into the jungle called Hogwarts to raise awareness about an evil wizard named Voldemort. Once that was done I was sent to Forks, Washington a few months ago to stop a fake Aizen attack. Now what does the head captain send me to do? De-program a computer virus originally designed by the French Military."

"As you can see," Jen concluded. "She gets sent out a lot. So sign this petition to kick Shinakukugariwari Yabba Dabba Do Yamamoto out of office and replace him with…"

"Byakuya Kuchiki," both Risa and Jen said in unison. "Because shit happens!"

Risa leapt off the desk gracefully and shut off the video camera. She folded up the tripod and placed them both on her desk. Jen was rereading Risa's mission statement for the hundredth time hoping that the more she read it the less true it would seem. As Risa placed the mini-DVD from the video camera in a case and placed it in one of her desk drawers the lieutenant of Risa's division Shuhei Hisagi walked in holding a paper similar to Risa's.

"Hey," he greeted his captain informally after she had reprimanded him for calling her "taichou-sama". "You get the message from Yamamoto-soutaichou?"

"About being deported to France?" Risa asked her face lighting up. "Yep I did and I'm all packed too."

"You know anything about this X-ana program that we're dealing with?"

"You mean XANA?" Risa asked pulling her form out of Jen's hands and reading it. "Yeah, I do and I know people at Kadic Academy as well."

Shuhei shot her a 'what the hell' kind of expression over his papers, but then he realized that this shouldn't surprise him, with Risa's knack for attracting trouble she and whoever she knew usually had their fair share of saving each other's asses. Jen meanwhile had resorted to drumming her fingers on Risa's desk which she was still sitting on. Risa meanwhile resorted to putting the tripod into the closet on the left-hand side of the room.

Outside the office came the sound of crashes and bangs. Risa, Jen and Shuhei peered out of the solid oak doors to see the twins Jake and Jack Emmerson scramble inside the sanctuary of Risa's office.

"Should I ask?" Risa said closing the door behind them. Both twins made themselves comfortable on her couch before responding.

"Err, no," Jack said casually. Jen rolled her eyes; they knew the twins long enough so that when they said 'you don't want to know' they usually didn't.

"So," Jake said reaching into the pockets of his shihakusho and pulling out a form much like Risa's. "French boarding school eh? Aren't we a bit old to be portraying students?"

"Apparently not," Risa said. "On top of that Marcus is supposed to becoming too. Try explaining that one."

"Do I have to act dumb?" Jack asked cocking an eyebrow. Jen looked at him with her face contorted weird as if she was trying not to laugh.

"You mean you don't already?" she snickered. Risa shot her a look. Jack crossed his arms and put on his best pouty face. Jen didn't budge.

"Any chance of you knowing people and this school Risa," Jake asked looking at the form again. Risa nodded and Jake smirked. "So, who's on the dubious dating list of Arisa Uchimani this time?"

"Why do you always assume that?" Risa snapped at him turning bright red. "I can have normal friends!"

"She's getting defensive!" Jack yelled jumping up and pointing at her. "Was he cute?" he added cupping his hands under his cheek and bending his left leg up in a mocking gesture of a stereotypical teenage girl in love.

"Oh he must've been," Jake threw in cutting off whatever Risa had been about to say. "She wouldn't have dated him otherwise."

"Yeah but she dated you," Jack sniggered. At this point Risa had had enough of the two boys bickering and promptly threw them out of her office and barked an order at Shuhei to go find Marcus. She then flopped on the couch where she was joined by Jen and the two girls sat there for a few moments.

"Are you busy at all this year," Risa asked Jen.

"No I'm not," she answered. "Hopefully you want me and Renji on your squad but it's your mission. Oh, should I have Canada connected to France via the Senkaimon before you leave?"

Risa laughed at this one. Soon after Jen joined in, it wasn't that the statement or the reasons behind it were particularly funny but Risa and Jen laughed for a good minute of two before Risa composed herself.

"You have to come with me," she said. "Who else am I gonna room with?"

"You think they'll give us our old room from when we did that foreign exchange student thing?" Jen asked her eyes lighting up. "You think the Chinese food guy still delivers to the window?"

"I hope so," Risa giggled. Jen's face suddenly became serious. She looked at Risa as though they weren't recollecting memories from when they were exchange students with the academy they were about to return to.

"Are you going to bring Ichigo?" she asked. Risa didn't know what to make of it.

"I was planning on it, I mean he and you recovered well from our last adventure in the world of the living," Risa said, she had only hit one of the reasons Jen was asking but after a few seconds Risa figured out the other one. "And I brought him to Hogwarts and he handled it well. The boys at Kadic aren't all groping morons like they are at Hogwarts."

"That's not what I'm saying," Jen said. "Don't take this the wrong way but, Odd and I kept in contact. We still do and I know it looked like he liked her but he still has feelings for you. At Hogwarts the three guys you dated are either your best friends or a total asshole who couldn't be bothered. At Kadic, you left the one guy who really cared about you."

"So what are you saying, you had a serious relationship Odd, what about Marcus!" Risa exclaimed. Her face was going red as she took in Jen's words. But she knew the answer to her question even before Jen answered it.

"Odd and Marcus had the chance to meet and Odd and I talked it over, we're friends nothing more," Jen said. "But he and Ichigo have never met, and if he still has feelings for you imagine how much it's going to kill him if he sees you with Ichigo."

"So who are we protecting?" Risa asked. "Him or Ichigo"

"You know the answer to that," Jen said with a note of finality.


	2. Arrive en France

Chapter Two

A/N: My original plan was to make everyone still in high school but now that I think of it I might just make them all in college. So everyone went to the same college. I know it's a bit AU for a college (I think) but it needs to work for purposes of the story so deal with me here. :)

Risa had managed to compose her squad but this time, instead of enlisting in the help of a giant group she got smart and broke it down into three smaller groups. Division Three was comprised of Jake, Jack, Izuru, and Ichigo. Division Six comprised of Renji, Jen and Rukia while Division nine closed it with Risa Marcus and Shuhei.

The routine was somewhat normal getting to the airport in Tokyo, waiting on the long lines, sleeping on the long plane ride with some minor turbulence and finally touching down in France where the time eight hours behind.

It was a bright and sunny late August afternoon but as usual, the team trudged about looking forlorn and travel weary. The only exception was Jack who had had a few espresso shots on the plane. Jack was usually a bundle of energy to begin with but coupled with a few ounces of hardcore caffeine and you get the picture. He wasted no time in claiming the Mercedes rental car and threw his stuff in the trunk. Rukia placed her stuff in the trunk as well and obliged to sit in the front seat.

Marcus, who had been to France so many times on holiday, treated it like a Long Islander who usually took the ferry across the Sound to Connecticut. He had only had one shot of espresso at the end of his flight just to be able to stay awake. He claimed the BMW and threw his stuff in it without question. Jen, who looked ready to pass out, joined him and Shuhei, not wanting to drive joined them as well. This left only the Audi left and Risa threw her stuff in the trunk followed by Jake and Ichigo. Renji had gone off with Jen and Marcus and Izuru went with Jack. Jake drove since he was the most awake of the three.

They drove out of the airport and around the Eiffel Tower in order to exit Paris and get into the suburbs where the school was located.

"Hey," Jake said his vivid green eyes lighting up. "You know that France is famous for its womanizing and giant phalluses?"

"If you make one more correlation to a dick I will slap you," Ichigo mumbled from the backseat. Risa would have slapped Jake if he didn't just almost kill them. They had been getting onto a highway when someone flew out of nowhere and cut them off causing Jake to slam on his breaks nearly causing a pileup behind him.

"_Bakka desu_," Risa screamed at the top of her voice as Jake got the car moving again with a few polite hand gestures and a few not so nice words.

"Eh," Jake said with a fake French accent. "_Nous sommes en France, parlez le langue!_"

"Iie," Risa said stubbornly. "_Quand je veux parler japonais, je parlerai japonais, quand je veux parlerai francais, je parler francais et quand je veux parler anglais je parlerai anglais. C'est simple!"_

Jake looked at her for a moment before he realized that Risa was fluent in four different languages. Jake was fluent in English and Japanese and proficient enough in French to understand what Risa was saying. Figuring the conversation would switch back to English in its own time Jake continued in French just to see how much he could annoy Risa.

"_Il est_?" he said. She shot him a dirty look from the passenger's seat. "_Ok, ok, je compris, je compris, mais si tu veux parler japonais, pourquoi est-ce que tu parles francais?"_

"_Je ne sais pas,"_ Risa answered back in French. "_Nous sommes en France n'est pas? Alors, c'est logique parler francais n'est pas?"_

"_Oui,_" Jake agreed to whatever Risa had just said since he obviously understood it. "_Je pense alors, mais, ah, oublies-il_"

"_Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir_?" Ichigo threw in the only French phrase he knew and Jake and Risa burst out laughing. Ichigo's cheeks turned a faint blush and he looked away.

"Sorry," Risa apologized. "I forgot you don't speak French. But I would advise you not to go saying that around though."

"What does it mean?" Ichigo asked cocking an eyebrow. Jake adjusted his rearview mirror and wiggled his black eyebrows mischievously at Ichigo.

"Let's just say it's what you and Reese do every other night," he said smirking.

The three of them remained silent for a few minutes until they pulled off the highway. The black BMW driven by Marcus pulled into the driveway of what looked like a college campus. The three black cars found spots in the empty lot and unloaded their passengers.

Risa stretched her back out by raising her arms above her head. This motion caused her sweat shirt to rise a few inches showing her stomach and Jake took full advantage to poke her in the stomach. Risa's reaction was to smack him upside the head.

Jen meanwhile had snuck away from the group and could be seen talking to another one. She was hugging them all like she knew them and then she dragged them all over.

"Hey guys," she said. She looked so excited, much unlike the serious face she always sported. Renji looked over at the newcomers slightly wary of them but Marcus stepped forward bravely.

"Odd," he said embracing the blonde boy with the spiky hair like a brother. "Long time, no see man!"

"Same to you," Odd Della Robia said. His hair was spiked into a cone and there was a purple splotch on the front. He looked like the most outgoing of the group the others kind of hung back waiting for Jen or Marcus to introduce them.

"Idiots," Jen muttered as Renji and Izuru started fighting with luggage in the trunk. She sighed and placed her forefinger and thumb in her mouth. She blew and a sharp whistle pieced the air. Renji and Izuru stood at attention at once. Jen nodded.

"This is Odd Della Robia," Jen said pointing to Odd. "Behind him in glasses is Jeremy Belpois, pink hair is Aelita Stones, brown hair is Ulrich Stern and black hair is Yumi Ishiyama. You guys know me Marcus and Risa so the twins are Jake and Jack, red hair and crazy tattoos is Renji, Blondie is Izuru, carrot top is Ichigo and he's Shuhei. The other girl is Rukia."

"Are you guys all Japanese?" Yumi asked. A few nodded but Ichigo answered.

"Karakura town," he said. "Just south of Tokyo."

Yumi nodded as if she knew where that was. Risa meanwhile had picked up Renji and Izuru's forgotten battle with the luggage. She was trying to avoid a few awkward questions that she was sure to come her way but they didn't. As she tried to pull Jake's giant suitcase out of the trunk a familiar voice asked, "Do you need some help with that."

Whatever Risa had been expecting it wasn't this. She turned around to face Ulrich Stern resolved to plow through the awkwardness that was sure to follow.

"Err, yeah," she said a bit timidly. She mentally kicked herself fore being so timid. Thankfully Ulrich didn't say anything as they pulled the luggage out of the Audi's truck and set it on the pavement.

Jen was still talking animatedly with Odd and Marcus as if they had been good friends all this time. She came over to where Risa and Ulrich were standing and gave Risa a sheet of paper.

"Dorm assignments," she said. Risa nodded. She looked down at the form. Her, Jen and Rukia were to have a triple suite, while Jake and Jack and Marcus bunked together. Ichigo and Renji were roommates as were Izuru and Shuhei. Risa was so lost in thought she didn't notice Ulrich reading the sheet over her shoulder or the fact that he was taller than her.

They brought their stuff up to the dorm rooms, all the boys' rooms were next to each others and the girls were another floor up. The boys soon disappeared into their rooms and slamming the door disappeared. Risa, Jen and Rukia all headed up the stairs to their dorm and set their things inside. It was much smaller than their dorm at Hogwarts. There was a set of bunk beds and a single. Jen and Risa claimed the bunks and Rukia took the single.

"So," Rukia said unzipping her suitcase. "That boy who helped you with the luggage…"

"Was Ulrich Stern yes," Risa said rummaging around for a set of sheets. She found them, blue with a black comforter, and began to put them on her bed. Since she was on the top bunk she had popped a gikongan and was standing on the air in Shinigami form.

"He's pretty cute," Rukia said.

"He plays soccer too," Jen threw in as she stuffed a pillow into a pillowcase. Rukia looked impressed.

"If I wasn't with Jack I'd totally take him," Rukia said giggling.

"Yeah you would," Jen laughed.

Risa ignored them as she got back into her gigai and stood back to admire the effects of her bed. Jen and Rukia weren't about to ignore her.

"So," Jen said to Risa. "Did Kurosaki meet Stern yet?"

"No," Risa said a bit defensively "How am I supposed to do that? Hey Ichigo, this is Ulrich my ex-boyfriend who still loves me. Yeah like that'll blow over well."

"Come on—" Jen started but she was cut off. All three of their soul pagers had started to go off. Jen and Risa pulled out their blackberries and Rukia flipped open her phone. Sure enough there was a hollow just outside of the school.


End file.
